Now that we've established that outsiders believed me to be fat because I must be lazy and eat a bunch of junk food or eat nonstop, I'd like to talk about the moment I realized that the way I looked impacted what people thought about my parenting ability or judgment in relation to what I may be feeding my children. Rather, one child in particular.
Firstly, I've come to realize that today's medical profession treats us all the same, despite our genetic differences and predispositions. Much like how when I was in labor with my children I was virtually ignored and treated as if I weren't in actual labor because I was still smiling, I and my children, as are all of you, categorized. You must fit into this neat little category or categories no matter what your situation or circumstances.
I've already discussed in a prior post how my first child was, and still is, beanpole thin. So thin you could see his ligamens and skeletal system actually working and he had only gained 1 pound per year from the ages of 1 to 3. My second child, a girl, was EXACTLY the same. Same weights at same ages even. Now, let's move onto my 3rd little adorable medical chart anomoly.
My surprise blessing third child was born at exactly the same length and weight as my first. However, he quickly pudged up and filled out, which was the opposite of the first. Why? Who knows. The ironic thing here is that the first was formula fed and the third was breastfed, which goes against the "hard fast" rule that formula contributes to obesity in ALL cases. My youngest grew and he grew quickly. When he was 16 months old I remembered to add his not-so-little footprints to a stool I had already decorated with the footprints from the first two children. However, the first two children's prints were placed upon the stool when the first was 4-1/2 and the second was 2-1/2 years of age. I quickly discovered that this toddler's feet at the age of 16 months were too big to just place upon the step front without turning them at an angle to make them fit. After noticing just how big his feet were, I measured them. His little big feet were barely 1/4 inch shorter than a 4-1/2-year-old's feet.
After that first year, it was evident everyone everywhere we went thought he was older than he was. We received comments about the size of his hands and feet regularly. People would ask how old he was because he was still bald and they would frequently say "Look at the size of his 'paws'." I had, at that point, always smiled and shared comparison stories about his size. I just felt he was going to be a big boy and he was simply different than his siblings, just as I am 5'8 while 2 of my sisters are around 5'4" and another is 6' tall. We're all different shapes and sizes as well.
The problem comes in when his pediatrician decides he doesn't like his weight at the age of 2 years. I can't remember his height and weight then today, but it was abnormal to them. He wasn't obese to us but these new pediatric BMI and height and growth charts prompted the pediatrician to look at me in an exacerbated manner and ask me in a tone that did not go unnoticed by me, "What are WE gonna do about this mom?"
What was there to do? The child loved his vegetables. I received instructions to stop giving him fruits, to allow my child to ask for seconds, and a lot of inquiries as to his diet. It was really intrusive, as if I had abused my prior two children with food or something, but those kids were both in school at the time my little cherub and I sat in the pediatrician's office during his well child visits, so considering I'm just one out of a thousand patients, they have no idea about this, as in no comparison to make. I told them I did allow him to ask for seconds and he most certainly did ask for seconds. The only difference between my first two babies and this one was that I had become more domesticated by learning how to cook over the years and the third child actually ate homemade babyfood compared to jarred babyfood the first two ate.
A bit offended, I returned home and set out on an internet search to view these newer charts and compare for my own reference. I someone stumbled on a morbidly obese little girl and read about her. It was obvious that half the free world was making fun or her. There were little .gif images made up of her doing a happy dance in a sitting position. I won't post that here because I don't agree with it, but finding her led me to a talk show episode where her mother had appeared sharing that she didn't understand how it came to be that her daughter was so heavy. There were also other parents with overweight children on the same show. The host who shall remain unnamed because it ticked me off so badly said to one mother, "C'mon...All we have to do is look at YOU to SEE what is wrong with your daughter." I about fell out of my chair. This mother was overweight, and it was obvious what this host was saying straight to her face.
It was at that moment that I realized while I was smiling and happily discussing the size of my toddler's hands and feet with strangers who commented the possibility of them picturing the two of us now in this corner chowing down on crap was highly likely. It really saddened me to realize this because nothing was further from the truth. The way I looked was now impacting what people believed about him.
Today this child is 5 years old and his weight gain has slowed while his height has continued onward on the same curve. At our last pediatric visit I received praise on accomplishing this and was asked, "So, what are 'we' doing different mom?" The idiot didn't have much to say when I shared I was doing nothing different other than to tell me to continue to withhold fruits because they are nutritionally void. Can you even believe that? I told him I have never and will never withhold fruit unless medically necessary. He is simply a big boy with big hands and big feet and big square shoulders/frame. I feed all my children the same. I've decided to listen to all the mothers I encounter who share stories of their boys being the same way who reassuringly share that today that child is 6'4" with a healthy weight.
Feeding them all the same seems to be what people question, however, when they see me. They don't realize that they are my priority and I've placed myself last on that large list of priorities. We'll go into my eating habits soon, but for now, we are discussing what people think.
When you see an obese person with non-rail-thin children, do you automatically assume they all eat the same and are all eating junk. Do you think that they must be terrible parents?
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